What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
15.06.2025 00:19
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
All the time i was locked up.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
As i do to all so called friends.?
What great song was "ruined" once you really listened to the lyrics?
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I said to her
What are the extra benefits of a smart TV?
She found it foreign!.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Why are European countries warning European travelers to be careful traveling to the United States?
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
The Big Bang myth Our origins will always elude us - UnHerd
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Is the Donald Trump Bible any different from a regular Bible? Has Trump altered its contents?
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
So whats the point in blame.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I was very sick at this time too.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
We all went to grammer schools
And i lived it daily.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
How do I find a luxury service apartment in Gurgaon?
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
How old is planet Earth? Is it 4.5 billion years old or 6,000 years old?
I waited trembling.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Are you offended if Democrats call Republicans "weird"?
But ive been too sick for many years..
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I was 9 years of age.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Would this be the day?
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I have no regrets .
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I will be 64.
Comes on , in middle age.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
She wouldn,t have been !
But, we were locked up after school.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
This is soul school!.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I could never make a relationship work though!
He resisted the act ,that day.
She loved him until the end.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I don,t even have a pension.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I was seconnd youngest,
Put me off passion for life!!
I write beautiful poetry .
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I had hoped to write a book about this .
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Ive learnt so much.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
One cannot live in the past .
Especially a lifetime of it.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
My family never makes their pension either.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Who then, do I blame.?
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
And who doesn’t know suffering?
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
When she asked me how she looked .
We were not on the streets..
My life is so biszare .
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
(And it was in our own minds.)
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I think the readers, may guess!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Im still living with it.
But it wasn’t much.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
She married twice! .
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
It was going to be , some day.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
He knew the spot.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
She was in good health!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I couldn’t, believe it.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
So, i spoilt her more .
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Why did i forgive my father ?
I was scared of men, in general
What did i know ?
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.